A Predictable Disappointment

I, like many others, consider myself to be an amateur Big Foot hunter. I keep an eye out for him. Last week I was ecstatic to hear that a Big Foot had been found. If you hadn’t heard about this yet here is the short New York Times article dealing with this controversial issue:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/15/us/15bigfoot.html?scp=4&sq=big%20foot&st=cse
and here is a FoxNews report giving this story the time and recognition it truly deserves:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z76h6ltDh2c

The story goes that two Georgians (the American kind) who run a part time Big Foot tour through the woods of Georgia, found a Big Foot carcass and while removing the body from the woods they saw a couple more living Sasquatches closing in on them. This spotting was not rare as the two men have said to have seen hundreds of Big Foots while walking the Georgian woods. The picture that had been circulating around the internet was of the hairy carcass in a cooler on ice. Although the picture itself was not conclusive the two men along with Tom Biscard, a respectable scientist and world renowned Big Foot hunter, agreed to hold a press conference in which DNA evidence would be presented and once and for all prove the existence of a missing link between man and ape. Only a couple days were needed to prep the body.
Now, as a friend of mine put it, “how hard can it be to prove if it’s real? Cut it open and if it’s not full of packing peanuts then you’ve got an animal.” I agreed, it shouldn’t have been so hard to get to the bottom of this issue. Why was I putting my hopes and dreams into the hands of these backwoods crackpots?
Like all other Big Foot discoveries this too turned out to be a hoax:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/16/us/16brfs-BIGFOOTREMAI_BRF.html?scp=3&sq=big%20foot&st=cse
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/20/us/20brfs-001.html?_r=1&sq=big%20foot&st=cse&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&scp=1&adxnnlx=1219421109-CS9AuFlTakCaZydHBcMLnw

The body was mostly a mixture of rubber and animal parts. The DNA was a mixture of human and opossum. My heart was a mixture of broken and sadness. My life was a mixture of spiral and downward. I had wanted this so bad. If Big Foots were real it would have been so awesome to just punch one in the stomach or something. Now my only relief was that these fools, who were only interested in their own financial gain and not the radical scientific ramifications of such a creature, will not be ultimately credit for the biggest discovery since the polio vaccination. There were plenty of truly scientific things that could have been done with this body. The DNA could have been used to clone these hairy monsters which then could be hunted for fun, or because of their subpar human intelligence but exceptional animal intelligence, used as household servants. A Sasquatch in an apron baking cookies and tucking children into bed, haha, science is silly.
THANKS