On Being Sick

When I become sick I suffer from more than the common physical symptoms (i.e. body aches, fever, runny nose, and congestion). I suffer from symptoms that affect the way I function and in ways these symptoms can become far more dangerous. While I am sick there is a separation of my mind from my physical surroundings. I am no longer an active participant in the world, rather a distanced observer, from my own little planet. On this planet, the normal rules of society do not apply and every day little things are mesmerizing. Spoken words are heard without comprehension, written word is seen without understanding, and the motions of my body are performed without thought.
Let’s discuss some of the situations I found myself in yesterday in order to shed more light on these non-physical symptoms. During class my professor spoke to a room full of nearly 100 students. All I could do to keep from falling out of my chair and curling up into the fetal position on the floor was to stare at the yellow words and the purple background that was projected onto the professor’s face as he passed in front of the screen which displayed his power point presentation. There were brief glimpses of reality as I would, after long periods of zoning out, realize that I hadn’t listened to single word the professor said and if I were to be called on I would have nothing to say. As this horrific possibility passed through my head I came to believe that what would happen if I were to be called on would be a swift projectile vomit followed by a collapse to the ground on which I would then violently seize. These thoughts passed as I eventually slipped back into my detached state, staring, without comprehension, at the words on my professor’s face.
As I said before, when I’m sick my actions are performed without thought. It is amazing how much of a day I can get through without trouble solely based on 23 years of muscle memory. And even if things don’t fully work out there is usually little consequence, like when I spent about a minute turning my key in the wrong mail box without realizing why it wouldn’t open. All of that is fine and dandy, but things become more dangerous during this “distanced observer” phase when crucial rules are not processed. I mean here, the rules of the road.
Driving home from Hy-Vee, where I purchased a gallon of Tropicana orange juice, two boxes of Kleenex tissue with lotion, and some Alka-Seltzer cold tabs, determined to beat this cold, I noticed a bug on the inside of my driver’s side window. I became very concerned for this bug so I rolled down my window a crack as to free it from my stuffy truck. The bug crawled up the window, up over the top of the window, and sat there, just barely over the edge of the window. He was in a position that would surely cause him to be crushed if I rolled the window back up, something I wanted to do in order to stop the cold air from blowing against my chapped nose and sore throat. I couldn’t role it up though because of my overwhelming concern for this bug’s happiness. I started to think that rolling the window down was a bad idea. As I began to pick up speed I could see the wind blowing his tiny little wings back while he struggled to hold on. It worried me that he could blow away and become lost, so far from his home, which I had now decided was my truck. I talked to the bug, telling him to hold on. “All we have to do is make it to a stop light and I’ll pull you back in,” I said. That wouldn’t work. He was losing strength, I could tell. I stuck my finger out the crack, wrapping it down the other side of the window. He was supposed to climb onto my finger and I would pull him back in the truck to safety. Instead, I knocked him loose and he blew away. I felt like pulling over the truck and crying. Pull over. Truck. I was driving. For the first time in about three quarters of a mile, I realized that I had been driving. No one was yelling at me from the other lanes and I saw no flashing lights. Apparently I snuck by without causing a serious accident. Still, that bug was gone, and for the first time that day, I felt truly sick.
THANKS